How to Survive and Thrive During the Holidays
Holidays can be tough. Instead of just surviving them, let’s also talk about thriving in and enjoying them.
If there’s one thing we have been reminded of during COVID it is that health and life are precious, so we hope these insights from DOT Center therapists can help to resource and elevate you this holiday season.
The holidays can be a very triggering time for many.
There’s interactions with family, a loss of who's here or not, feeling loved or not loved. What we forget is that it may also be an opportunity to bring in inner child work for ourselves. We can reflect on our experience with this shift in perspective, and turn this into a time of supercharged healing. We can look at the negative thoughts that arise and dis-identify with them, externalizing them with the awareness that’s not “me.” That this other part of me is here. One simple and powerful exercise is to externalize what is going on for our inner child by creating visuals. This holiday season, give yourself permission to value and practice your coping skills, feel your feelings, be a “mess,” and embrace self-compassion to stop trying to fix your feelings.
-Liz Michaud, LMFT
There’s a nostalgia that can come along with the holiday season, a flavor in the air (pumpkin chai anyone?)
… and a shared collective experience along with the pandemic. It is also important to remind ourselves that what we see and experience around us may be an expression of the dominant culture. A Western Anglo Christian culture, whose knob is dialed way up during this time. People outside the dominant culture may not be reflected. By thinking about how we differentiate ourselves from the collective dominant culture and simply claiming for ourselves that “I’m not feeling that,” we can honor ourselves and have an individual authentic experience.
-Hannah Rosales, LMFT
We can let go of the “supposed to be’s'' this time of year.
What we see in movies and what dominant culture/media portrays may not match up with our lives. For example, when I was a child I was so enamored with having a Christmas tree, and went ahead and used Aquafresh toothpaste to decorate it because it matched the Christmas colors I saw on TV. Needless to say, that toothpaste did not look as good as I had hoped, but I had a great time freshening up the tree. Instead of trying to match a “traditional” image of the dominant culture, we can work on staying present and choosing to incorporate the parts that work for us in the moment. During these pandemic times, being in community and gathering can be challenging. We may be having to negotiate decisions around who can participate given vaccination status, proximity, and comfort levels. We may also be interfacing with family members that push our boundaries, are from different generations, or hold a lot of entitlement. We may hear the weaponizing of Social Justice language during a time that is “supposed to be” full of holiday cheer. You are not alone, and you have the power to protect yourself as you move through these moments.
-Sophie Jani, LMFT
Flashing Christmas lights, perfume wafting through stores, blasting pop music over stereo systems, and the plethora of exciting things to eat that carry their own risks and delights.
For people who may be sensitive to sights, smells, tastes, touch, and of course sounds, these may not always be enjoyable experiences. Whether they may lead to nausea, fatigue, migraines, seizures, or inflammation of some sort, our physical bodies also need some extra TLC during the holidays to support our minds. This might look like permission to choose just 1 or 2 smaller activities and to take lots of breaks between and during activities even if others around us are moving at different speeds. Making sure to have basic yet powerful sensory-saving tools like headphones, earplugs, sunglasses, masks, hoodie, hat, snacks, and lots of water, will also help our bodies heal and maintain functioning when engaging with the world. We can plan breaks that may simply include some alone time or lying down to rest our eyes. By pausing, we can better tune into the tension that may have accumulated in our body, and simply by noticing it, our bodies can naturally begin the process of releasing it through our always-moving breath, blood, and heartbeat. Noticing our own body temperature and what specific body parts feel cold, freezing, sometimes even numb, can remind us to heat those parts up by taking advantage of a heater, fire, heating pad, and the warming touch of our own hands. These are mindful ways to keep our energy flowing and bodies healthy. Lastly, intentionally engaging in at least 15 minutes of movement every day is a preventative that can really help to decrease pain. Activities like walking outside, dancing to a few songs in a row, doing chores that encourage satisfying movement, gardening or looking at plants, and petting and playing with our pets are ways to alchemize tension into a sense of purpose, creativity, and enjoyment.
-Alice Dote, LCSW
During the holidays, there may be a way we feel obligation and duty, as well as a longing to show up with family even if some members can be harmful to us.
If we do decide to show up with them, we can feel resourced as we do so. We can tune into memories and images of supportive people (present or past) or beings (such as animals or spiritual figures) who have been supportive of our happiness and decisions and continue to hold onto this felt sense of their love and support as we interact with others. One could also wear, or have on them, an object (eg. a piece of jewelry/clothing, a note, a picture, a special stone) as a grounding reminder of this felt sense of love and support. We can also check in with the scared, young part of us who may feel helpless/powerless in the face of obligations and family expectations, and ask that part what they might need in these moments of anxiety. We can recognize that we have more choices and options; we can leave a situation when we are feeling overwhelmed, take breaks, & set boundaries for what we want or don't want to share. It can be an opportunity to practice giving ourselves the care and compassion we need (and needed) and take responsibility for our own wellness. We are not beholden to our families like we were as children, when our safety and needs directly involved our caregivers. Now you have the right and opportunity to help yourself feel empowered with more choice and flexibility.
-Liz Tong, LMFT
